The Shower Test

My wife is a ridiculous person.

Since we've been married, every day has been an adventure.  I'm not trying to be sappy, although I know it can be interpreted that way.  I'm talking about an adventure in the "fending for my life" kind of sense.  There's times with beautiful moments of love and happiness.  And there's times where I'm constantly on guard, literally having to look over my shoulder in fear of an unwarranted attack at any time.  I want you to know that I'm not trying to sound like a victim; the attacks are completely unwarranted.

Attacks.  That is how to describe them.  Whether I'm cooking, cleaning, watching TV, or any other seemingly nonchalant activity, I'm never safe.

Her reasoning for attacking me in the shower was sweet.  She wanted to make sure that I would be okay if I were in a shower while in jail and someone-- anyone-- thought I was cute.  I have a spit-shined clean record so there is no feasible reason for me to be in prison.  I guess it files under one of those "better safe than sorry" categories.   She said I passed, which is probably the only comforting thing from the entire situation.

Let's be honest here. Is it so much for my benefit or is it a possessive thing on her part?

People think I'm kidding when I talk about this, but I'm not creative enough to make this stuff up.  My wife tried to attack me when I was most vulnerable.  I'm not sure people understand what showers mean to me-- to most people.  It's a shrine, a peaceful getaway from a cruel and fast-paced world.  In the shower I can sing, philosophize, imagine, and create.  I do my best thinking while showering, potentially brewing the key ideas to fixing the world.  At least I did when I thought it was a safe haven.  She almost took that away from me.

Maybe there is something to the shock treatment she gave me in that situation.  She did give me a little bit of security.  That is, I can defend myself while in the shower.  That realization has made me feel like I can take on the world.

She always keeps me on my toes, that's for sure.

I also lock the door when I shower now.