Hospital Lullaby

In most large hospitals, a short lullaby plays over the loudspeakers to announce the arrival of a new baby. 

Usually you'll see people stop and smile, a sense of hope washing over them at the prospect of a brand new person being brought into this world, as if they were thinking, "Go on and make an impression on humanity.  We believe in you.  We always have."

People probably picture a happy couple sitting together, holding a beautiful, clean, cooing baby.  The father is admiring over his family, the medical staff is shaking hands as they congratulate one another, the mother is cuddling her child who's all squeaky clean-- all around, the world is well and wonderful.

I shared this vision of hope and wonderment, too.  I was optomistic, even idealistic.  I had the idea that the family would be wading through gumdrops and jelly-beans.  We're kind of trained by television and movies that childbirth is a beautiful thing.

That is until Baby Doc shattered it with her classically tactical and brutal honesty.

The baby isn't squeaky clean.  Apparently it smells bad.  Everyone, especially the mother, is exhausted.  The scene could be patched into any modern war movie and fit right in.  Now every time that song plays in the hospital where I work, that image pops into my head.  That song heralds a vision of a tired, bleeding woman, a screaming child, and an emotionally scarred husband thinking "What has been seen can never be unseen."

You see, because of the media, we're conditioned to believe that the baby is healthy, the procedure uncomplicated, and the aftermath strangely magical.  Television does give credit to the fact that it is painful, but it still seems to romanticize childbirth.  I'm not trying to mock childbirth and the whole process.  On the contrary, women should be respected immensely for going through this nine month roller-coaster which has a painful, vulnerable climax whose denouement is ultimately going to be a teenager down the road.  Yeah, a teenager!  High five to woman-kind for being so hardcore!

I digress.  Very easily distracted here.

The beauty is found in the strength shown throughout the process, the magic through the creation of life.

It's found in the hardships and the bonds formed from them.  We're taught to try and be excited throughout the whole thing, when in truth being terrified is the more natural response.  It is like a roller-coaster, bellybutterflies and everything.  Sometimes there's even a lot of vomit depending on who you are.

Well, when it's all said and done, we can then look back and see what parts were fun and acknowledge the parts that weren't.

Pain-coaster is interchangeable with "Hate-Husband-Coaster" in some instances.

I didn't draw the Middle School and High School portion because it would certainly become the blueprints for a Death Coaster where the sheer g-forces would cause your brain to hemorrhage.
*Author's note:  Just learned that there is in fact a "Death Coaster" blueprint that was created by an artist and verified by physicists.  In reviewing the photo, it is very accurate to the analogy I was trying to draw in this post.  Also, if there hasn't been a Heavy Metal song called "Death Coaster", there should be.

All in all, it's an exhilarating, amazing ride which results in the creation and nurturing of a new human being.  And this is what goes through my mind every time that little jingle is played in the hospital when a new baby is born.

Every single time.

Quirks of working in an ER

I was working in the ER and, as I was walking by, I noticed a precariously labelled bin from the corner of my eye.

It was inconspicuous at first, certainly something that belonged in the department.  At first glance, I passed it off as a common bin I had walked by dozens of times. Something, however, compelled me to take a second look.  That look caused a thought to pop into my head.

What if someone actually grabbed the wrong machine for the particular task that they had intended?  I mean, if you know the difference between a Breathalyzer and a Rectal Thermometer, then you know that the chances of that happening are pretty slim.  But there is that possibility that it could happen.  I do work nights and there are some shifts where we are all pretty exhausted.  There's really no way a trained professional would make that mistake.

Yet, could you imagine the results if they did?

"Sir, your blood-alcohol level is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit."

The N-word

More coming up.  Here's something in the meanwhile.

Toddlers would fail sobriety tests

This one time, Docling pointed out that toddlers walked like inebriates.

My outlook has never been the same.

She has regretted comparing the way toddlers and drunk adults walk ever since.

And don't argue.  If we gave any one toddler a sobriety test, they would fail miserably.  That's why they're not allowed to drive.  That and the whole reaching the pedals thing.  Seeing over the dash...  and object consistency. 

There's a lot of things working against them, now that I think about it.

To Krump, or not to Crump?

It's funny how many things in the medical world are completely different from the regular world.  Attitudes, moral views, hours, holidays-- all of these are experienced differently when you work in a hospital.  This is especially evident in acronyms, terms, and slangs.

Our best friend is an avid dancer.  We would all sit together and watch America's Best Dance Crew.  There was one particular dance that caught my eye.  It had a raw, warrior-esque energy to it.  It was intriguing to watch, honestly.  I was captivated by how unique it was in comparison to other dances and how entranced the dancers themselves seemed to be.

Krumping (Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise) is an acronym for a dance dubbed and pioneered by "Tight Eyez".  It has rapidly spread in popularity due to its powerful, sharp movements that resemble an almost tribal like dance.

Imagine Baby Doc's reaction when her Attending Doctor, during her Internal Medicine rotation at the hospital, exclaimed to her and the team that "the patient is crumping."

Well, there is another word.  Phonetically, it's identical.  Its definition is wildly different, though.  Where krumping is a trendy, emotion-filled dance with roots from an African-American community in South Central Los Angeles; Crumping has its roots in the medical field.

You see, in the hospital, the definition of crumping is "a slang medical term indicating that a patient's medical condition is rapidly worsening."  In the above diagram, you can see the difference in EKG readings.

*Author's note:  I've been informed that the first of the two EKGs would suggest that the patient is in a state of tachycardia.  This may or may not happen if you were to "krump" for long durations of time. Please consult your physician before engaging in any krump-like activities.

She never really told me about how her attending doctors reacted.  What she doesn't describe to me, I choose to make up myself.  This is how I think it went down immediately after her exclamation.

It was an honest mistake.

Now you know.

Christmas Special

A slight bit earlier that day...

                          

Author's note:  This actually happened.